BY CD ESKILSON
ART BY BILL WOLAK
because my partner squirms with insects, any houseguest I can swat
or toss outside, a thought of bristled legs that sends the heebie-jeebies
down her spine;
because of the bureaucracy with streaming: the movie’s not
on Netflix and got taken off of Hulu, we’re never using Amazon;
because Jeff Goldbloom’s chest hair makes me weak;
because I couldn’t get through Scanners;
because the endoscopy tomorrow’s meant to find
what pangs my gut;
my lips that buzz and blister, ransom drink and speech;
because I cough and feel the brood hatch in my chest;
I study bugs strewn on a doctor’s windowsill with bodies
like dried thistle, wonder if I’m next to wither;
because mine is a biopsied unravelling—because diagnosis
is a question answered with referrals;
because I know that it’s not allergies or lupus, bullous
pemphigoid that knits this carapace;
my partner braids my feelers and helps count fester in my
blood, ensures I make each follow-up appointment;
because her sympathy’s a sugar-trap I fear exhausting;
because I wonder what it means to have her watch my
metamorphosis, help stitch up the cocoon;
what does disease want save decimation, my aftertaste of ache,
take this struggling mass of being, seize this disobeying flesh;
CD Eskilson is a trans poet, editor, and educator from Los Angeles. Their work appears or is forthcoming in Hobart, Pleiades, Washington Square Review, minnesota review, and Redivider, among others. CD is poetry editor for Exposition Review. They are an MFA candidate at the University of Arkansas.
Bill Wolak is a poet, collage artist, and photographer who has just published his eighteenth book of poetry entitled All the Wind’s Unfinished Kisses with Ekstasis Editions. His collages and photographs have appeared as cover art for such magazines as Phoebe, Harbinger Asylum, Baldhip Magazine, Barfly Poetry Magazine, Ragazine, Cardinal Sins, Pithead Chapel, and The Wire’s Dream.